Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Struggling with the vows

You see when I married my sweet darling besides pledging my undying love and faithfulness one of the things the priest specifically asks is "Will you accept children lovingly from God, and bring them up according to the law of Christ and his Church?"... to which we both replied yes. Now what does that really mean? Does that mean that I get to completely surrender to the will of God except for when I feel him asking me to bear more children? Is it okay then for me to say to Him that I have my hands full and it really isn't convenient right now and would I be so shallow as to tell Him, the God of the universe, that I would like to loose five more pounds and run another half marathon first??
On certain days I have envied the call of others. I know full well that we are each called according to His plan and purpose and none of those callings really look the same. Of course I see the irony in God choosing me for this. You see I dream of seeing my name in lights. I was the girl who was happy to be single, wanted a dog to travel the world with so that I could then sit down and write a book all about it.That was really my ultimate shallow definition of freedom. So, for Him to call me to a job with less recognition than a garbage man can be quite the challenge. But He loves so much that it can't be contained in these words and He will do whatever it takes for us to KNOW HIM because every possible outlandish scenario I can imagine cannot compete with truly knowing the love of God and feeling Him sustain me each and every day.
So the other day I decide to read 1 Timothy straight through and I get to the end of chapter two and I just begin to cry. I read it again through blurry vision and then for a third time just to make sure it is really there.

1 Timothy 2:15 But she will be saved through motherhood, provided women persevere in faith and love and holiness, with self control.

These are the moments you want to look over your shoulder or something. Seriously, how has this verse been here and I am just now reading it today. IT IS ALIVE. He knows the plans he has for us and I thank Him for not giving me what I wanted but for loving me with such abundance that he gave me exactly what I need.

1 comment:

  1. I needed to read this today..thank you!